Bruce Wayne: The Big Sissy.
Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce it is time for your night patrol.
Bruce Wayne: -*snore*-
AP: Your respiration has increased and I saw your left eyelid twitch shut. Master Bruce, you are not fooling anyone.
BW: I have a charity function at 9:00 and I am getting my rotator cuff scoped tomorrow afternoon. I'm not going anywhere tonight Alfred.
AP: I sent an RSVP regrets and a rather large check to the charity ball. You are getting your ACL repaired tomorrow. Your shoulder is on Thursday. Get up.
BW: /rolls over
AP: Master Bruce? Is the Bat Man there? I need to speak to him.
BW: Fuck off, Alfie, I'm staying in bed.
AP: Don't you "Alfie" me, sir. I'm giving you two minutes and then I'm coming back with the ice water.
BW: Heartless bastard.
AP: Unrepentant sissy. (leaves room to get the ice water)
AP: (Under his breathe) Fear me for I am the night? He's got ruffles on his underpants. I am the spirit of unrequited vengeance? I am the master detective? The Dark Knight? I've skinned my knee and 'wants you kiss the boo-boo' is more like it.
AP: (returns down the hall with a carafe of ice water) Wakey wakey time Brucey-wucey. Uncle Alfred brought you some ice water. (under his breathe) Wake up or wear it. (enters bed room door)
BW: (standing nude but for his mask and cowl facing the full moon through the window) Bruce isn't here, Mr. Pennyworth ... I'm BAT MAN.
(fade to black)
This vignette was brought about by Derrek, as Alfred, waking me up from my nap on Saturday evening to go to my 8:00 Feng Shui game. I was being a wuss and felt too tired to go. His annoyed "Alfred" woke up MCL and cajoled him into being Bat Man.
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