Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce it is time for your night patrol.
Bruce Wayne: -*snore*-
AP: Your respiration has increased and I saw your left eyelid twitch shut. Master Bruce, you are not fooling anyone.
BW: I have a charity function at 9:00 and I am getting my rotator cuff scoped tomorrow afternoon. I'm not going anywhere tonight Alfred.
AP: I sent an RSVP regrets and a rather large check to the charity ball. You are getting your ACL repaired tomorrow. Your shoulder is on Thursday. Get up.
BW: /rolls over
AP: Master Bruce? Is the Bat Man there? I need to speak to him.
BW: Fuck off, Alfie, I'm staying in bed.
AP: Don't you "Alfie" me, sir. I'm giving you two minutes and then I'm coming back with the ice water.
BW: Heartless bastard.
AP: Unrepentant sissy. (leaves room to get the ice water)
AP: (Under his breathe) Fear me for I am the night? He's got ruffles on his underpants. I am the spirit of unrequited vengeance? I am the master detective? The Dark Knight? I've skinned my knee and 'wants you kiss the boo-boo' is more like it.
AP: (returns down the hall with a carafe of ice water) Wakey wakey time Brucey-wucey. Uncle Alfred brought you some ice water. (under his breathe) Wake up or wear it. (enters bed room door)
BW: (standing nude but for his mask and cowl facing the full moon through the window) Bruce isn't here, Mr. Pennyworth ... I'm BAT MAN.