Plasticman is quite legitimately the lamest Justice League member EVER! OK, he actually has
a legitimate superpower. But look at it this way. He is like Mr. Fantastic without all that fancy
super science and genius mind.
This rant started off with a conversation that took place between my buddy Gary and myself
at work. He took the position of Batman and I took the position of Superman in an imaginary
argument about inducting the bubblegum jerk into the Justice League of America. It went
something like this:
Superman: Now that Diana has finished reading the minutes of our last meeting we can move on
to new business. First off we have some membership applications here I would like to put on the
Batman: Clark. What the fuck are you doing?
Batman: I saw the picture paper clipped to that file.
Superman: I am sure I don’t have any idea what you are talking about.
Batman: Look. We have had this discussion before. Plasticman is not Justice League material.
The guy is a freakish mix between Elvis, a spooky clown and a beach ball. I mean come on!
This is the Justice League!
Superman: Bruce, we can’t really sit here and pass judgment on people with legitimate
superpowers who want to use them for the benefit of others. He could prove useful in the future
and I for one don’t think we shouldn’t rule him out.
Batman: Can’t pass judgment? Can’t pass judgment? The dude runs around in a private jet with
a blonde bimbo and a fat Hawaiian guy as sidekicks chasing after bank robbers like some kind
of balloon animal Scooby Doo. We have to draw the line somewhere. Sure, I can let Aquaman
slide. Just in case we have to do some shit underwater, but I am drawing the line at this guy. He
is a joke and I know from jokers.
Superman: I don’t understand what the problem is. He is neigh indestructible. He can take on
just about any shape we can imagine. He regenerates. He can alter his color AND he is immune
to telepathic control. These are legitimate superpowers. You know…. superpowers. Not to
point any fingers at some people who don’t have any superpowers at all.
Batman: I will end you pretty boy.
Wonder Woman: Easy fellas. Let’s not get our panties in a bunch. But, Clark, I’m going to
have to side with Bruce on this one. This guy is fucking clown shoes and you know it. How are
we going to be taken seriously with this guy around? Look at what he is wearing! Paris Hilton
sunglasses, a dance leotard with lacing on the chest and no friggin pants. Hell even I got sick
of the pantless thing after a while. He is like that really weird European guy at the beech with a